Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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