Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
