I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's blow job season.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize