I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
