why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
