the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
