At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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