..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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