she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
