I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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