he shaved USA in his pubs
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
