remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
