I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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