you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
