My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
