Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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