This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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