Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
