I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
