I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
