We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
