I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize