Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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