Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
