I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
