Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
