i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
