im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
