So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
