He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
