There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
