yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
