This girl is more easily done than said...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
