Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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