her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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