I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
