i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
