I heard we made out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
