the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
