Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
