my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
