people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
