Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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