How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
