I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
