the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
