I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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