i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
