Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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