so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
