I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
