He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
