A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
