One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No subtext here. People are naked.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
