Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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