M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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