how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
