Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
