Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
