The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
where are my eyebrows?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
