so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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