Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
