i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
