I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
