Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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