How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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