I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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