No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
