youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
