I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
