you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
